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Knowing in My Heart
As my eyes opened to a new day, the morning sun came shining through my window lighting up my room like lights on the set of a Hollywood movie. I slowly got
out of bed and headed downstairs for breakfast. I was unexpectedly stopped halfway there to find my dog lying on the floor, like a pile of rocks were weighing her down, unwilling to move. I knew she hadnt been feeling well for the past two weeks and had already taken her to the vet, who put her on medication. Today happened to be her two week checkup. I sat down next to her and began to rub her soft belly like she always loved me to do. This time it didnt feel the same. Her stomach was enlarged like a fully stuffed turkey on Thanksgiving Day. This didnt seem to be right. I remembered that she
hadnt been eating much lately so how could this be? She seemed tired as she looked up at me with her small loving eyes. I knew something wasnt right.She had to be really sick.
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I didnt know what to do. I felt crushed inside like a kid who has gotten chosen last for a game at a playground. My emotions and feelings were everywhere. I hated seeing her this way. I ran downstairs and stopped dead in my tracks in front of my mom.
Whats the matter, she began to ask.
Rosie is very sick, I replied in a shaky but quite like voice as tears began to run down my cheeks.
I went back to where Rosie was lying helpless and hopeless. I just laid there
with her, my nose touching hers. Her nose felt warm and dry. After my siblings left for school and my mom headed off to work, I continued to lay by her side.As I laid there I began to sing You are My Sunshine, a song that my mom had always sung to me while I was growing up. As I sang to her, she closed her eyes. I knew she was listening and could feel the love that I had for her.
When I finished singing the song, I found myself sitting in a swimming pool of
my own tears. My mouth was dry and I could taste the salt from my own tears.How could this be happening?
I knew that I had a very hard decision to make that day.I knew that when it came time for her to go to the vet, they were going to leave my family with the decision to make on whether to put her to sleep or not. This decision would be completely up to me because she was my dog. I sat there in silence, staring down at the red furry and worn out dog that lay in front of me.We were so close for so many years. As I sat there, so many things were running through my head. I could remember all the good and bad times I had had having her as a pet.She always had something to say and would bark at any opportunity. She loved attention and would jump at any opportunity to have someone play with her.As I looked down, I realized that this wasnt the same dog lying in front of me. She didnt want to get up; she didnt even want to move. She had no desire to play.
The day passed by quickly. I knew that it would because I didnt want for it
come to an end.My mom and siblings arrived home to find me still holding on and staying by my precious dogs side. Soon after they arrived my dad walked in the front door.That meant that it was time.Dad, I said in my small and scared voice. If
Rosie is suffering as bad as I see that she is then I have to do what is right and most fair for her. My decision is to put her to sleep. It would be unfair and selfish to make her go on and suffer the pain she is in. You will have to go to the vet alone because here at home is the best place for me to say my goodbyes."
I walked over to Rosie kissed her on the head. I love you, I whispered. She was unable to walk herself to the car, so I gently put my arms underneath her heavy body, lifted her, and began to carry her. I set her down in the backseat. Thanks for being the best pet I have ever had, I whispered. As she lifted her head and looked back at me, I closed the car door and walked back into my house. Memories of her flooded my head.
The anticipation for my dad to return was painful.It felt like days before he
returned again although it was only an hour. In that hour my head flooded with thoughts of what the vet was going to say and whether my dad would return alone or with my precious dog. I felt like I was drowning paralyzed with grief. I didnt know what to do with myself.
Finally I heard the loud engine of my dads car pull into the drive way. He walked into the room with a leash.I followed the leash with my eyes from the top of it to the bottom to find that she wasnt there. I ran up to my room, lay on my bed, and cried. I cried for hours.Suddenly out of nowhere I felt sad but yet ok.I realized even though it was hard, I had made the right decision. She was in a better place now and was feeling no more pain. This gave me a feeling of peacefulness; everything was going to be ok. To this day I keep the memories of my wonderful dog with me all the time and for
that reason, in my heart she will never die.
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